


Grown Up

by JaxOfAllTrades_JasperOfNone



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-16
Updated: 2017-01-16
Packaged: 2018-09-17 20:06:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9341153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JaxOfAllTrades_JasperOfNone/pseuds/JaxOfAllTrades_JasperOfNone
Summary: Where did it all go wrong? he wondered despairingly. Peter was dead, Sirius was on the run, and James…James was gone, too, but the boy, James’ son, with the same ruffled black hair and Lily’s green eyes, he could save him.“Expecto Patronum!”aka, the dementor-on-the-train scene, but from Lupin's point of view.





	

_ “Quiet!” said a hoarse voice suddenly. _

 

_ Professor Lupin appeared to have woken up at last. Harry could hear movements from his corner. None of them spoke. _

 

Remus shuddered slightly. He knew the effects of dementors, and he could feel the cold, icy feeling spreading towards them. Pushing this aside, he summoned a handful of flames, illuminating the compartment in dim, flickering light.

 

A group of five students stared up at him, eyes curious, robes wrapped around themselves in a vain attempt to keep out the cold.

 

Remus’ eyes settled on a small, scrawny boy, with a familiar mess of black hair sticking up in every direction, and a pair of round glasses perched precariously on his nose.  _ James _ , he thought immediately, but it wasn’t.

 

It couldn’t be.

 

Emotions rose in his throat, but whether by the dementor’s doing or that of the skinny teenager standing in front of him, he had no idea.

 

There was no recognition in Lily’s green eyes.

 

“Stay where you are,” he told them, and if his voice cracked, they didn’t seem to notice.

 

He rose, one hand on his wand in his pocket, one still holding the fire out in front of him. It was getting colder, and despair seeped into his very soul as the dementor drew closer. It was right in front of him, a dark shadow looming over his head threatening to swallow him whole--

 

He heard the boy who wasn’t James gasp, turned in time to see him collapse, cold and shaky to the ground--

 

He couldn’t move, couldn’t speak, couldn’t breath, and James was dying and he wasn’t there to protect him--

 

_ “Professor!” _

 

He shook himself, trying to keep the cold wave of nausea at bay as he made eye contact with one of the students. Her terrified brown eyes were the last thing he saw before his fire was extinguished, but her pleas were still audible through the fog of pain that filled his mind.

 

_ “Professor, do something!” _

 

_ Do something… _

 

He squeezed his eyes tight shut, trying to shake himself out of the trance the dementor had put him in. The roaring in his ears grew louder, threatening to drag him down into a soul-swallowing pit of betrayal, fear, and heart-stopping, breathless despair. He couldn’t  _ think, _ all he wanted, all it wanted--

 

...of course.

 

With a sudden flash of clarity, his eyes snapped open. 

 

It wanted Sirius. 

 

Anger blossomed in his chest on behalf of his old friend, and he gritted his teeth in a snarl. “None of us is hiding Sirius Black under our cloaks,” he snapped. “Go.”

 

The dementor merely stood there, the empty shadows beneath its hood staring silently at him. 

 

It almost seemed to mock him. That inky black void was to be Sirius’ destiny, he knew, and that thought pierced his heart with a needle of ice.

 

_ Where did it all go wrong? _ he wondered despairingly. Peter was dead, Sirius was on the run, and James…

 

James was gone, too, but the boy, James’  _ son _ , with the same ruffled black hair and Lily’s green eyes, he could  _ save  _ him.

 

_ “Expecto Patronum!” _

 

The silver light that shot out of his wand wasn’t fully formed, and he was almost grateful not to see that same, ghostly wolf. The aching cold retreated with the dementor, and he mustered enough strength to slam the door closed behind him.

 

The lights flickered back on as he turned back to the students. The redheaded boy (a Weasley?) and the bushy-haired girl were kneeling beside Harry, slapping his face. Sweat soaked the boy’s robes and he was shivering slightly. “Harry! Harry! Are you alright?”

 

“W-what?”

 

Remus’ stomach churned unpleasantly. He knew that voice all too well. 

 

It was the one that always brought trouble, promised adventure, always eager to  _ do _ something.

 

He wasn’t sure why he was feeling so nervous. He had met the boy before, had held him in his arms while James smiled at him, telling Harry to meet his  _ ‘Uncle Moony.’ _

 

Remus had protested at that, saying that Harry deserved at least one uncle he could take seriously.

 

_ ‘That’s why we have Sirius,’ _ James had answered with a mock-grave expression, as if he hadn’t made that same joke a hundred times before.

 

“...who screamed?” Harry was asking.

 

Remus felt around in his pockets. He was sure he had chocolate in there somewhere.

 

“No one screamed,” the Weasley boy said nervously.

 

“But I heard screaming--” Harry protested, stopping short as Remus broke the chocolate into pieces.

 

Remus handed Harry a piece, avoiding his gaze. “Here. Eat it. It’ll help,” he told the boy as calmly as he could.

 

“What was that thing?”

 

Remus took a deep breath.  _ Steady, _ he told himself.  _ They’re just kids. Normal kids. One of whom happens to be James’ son _ .

 

Good Lord.

 

James’ son.

 

It had been odd when he’d heard James had a son. He couldn’t imagine the reckless, arrogant oaf being any good at raising a child, but the way James had looked at Harry, Remus knew it would be alright.

 

_ ‘When did you become an adult?’ _ Remus had asked him in amusement when Harry had been put to bed.

 

_ ‘An adult? You wound me, Moony.’ _

 

“A dementor,” he heard himself say. “One of the dementors of Azkaban.” There was silence for a moment. Five pairs of eyes watched him as he stuffed the wrapper back in his pocket with a shaking hand. “Eat,” he encouraged, “it’ll help. I need to speak with the driver, excuse me…”

 

He shoved past them into the corridor. He found an empty compartment and collapsed inside, back against the door, trembling slightly.

 

He should have expected this. When Dumbledore had offered him the job, he had warned Remus that Harry would remind him of James, but he hadn’t expected…

 

And he’d known, too, he’d seen pictures of Harry in the papers, marveled over the extraordinary similarities, but to be faced with the actual thing--

 

Remus looked out the window at the familiar countryside, the sloping hills and dreary, rain-soaked trees slipping past in a fuzzy haze.

 

He rubbed his face with his hands. They’d be expecting him back soon, so he stood, bones creaking in protest.  _ When had  _ he _ become an adult? _

 

The small group of students looked up upon his return, the uneaten chocolate partly melted in their hands. He tried to smile, although it felt more painful than anything. “I haven’t poisoned that chocolate, you know…” The small attempt at humour seemed to fall flat in the silence, and Remus shifted uncomfortably. “We’ll be at Hogwarts in ten minutes,” he announced. “Are you alright, Harry?”

 

He winced, remembering Harry hadn’t told him his name yet, but the boy didn’t even flinch.  _ He’s used to people knowing him _ , Remus realized. Harry looked at his shoes, and Remus barely caught the muttered, “fine.”

 

And he would be, of course. He was James’ son.

 

Remus only hoped he wouldn’t have to grow up too soon.

**Author's Note:**

> comments/kudos/etc?


End file.
